Alright, it's 5.43 pm on Thursday, February 13th. I'm heading down Marin Avenue at the light under the Bart tracks near the Albany Library. Had a busy day today, a lot of debugging and stuff stuff that I really don't like doing, like adding, you know, style content and logos to this and that. I mean, I can't imagine anymore, like anything more like grunt work than that, you know, as a web developer. More challenging stuff is, you know, writing data loaders. And yeah, debugging, ember, but yeah, and it's a challenge to deal with difficult people. Some people don't really want to know what you're up to. They want to stay in their own little world. And this is, you know, a strong characteristic, a common characteristic among, you know, web application developers. And so it's really hard to collaborate or to, you know, do pair programming or side by side troubleshooting or even over the phone troubleshooting. It's just the minute that they have to, you know, communicate to another human. They're just super frustrated. And I try to be as accommodating as I can. I have no interest in competing or showing off with anyone. And if that comes across, I hope to rectify it because if that's, if they feel threatened and that's the source of it well, then yeah, I don't want that to be the case. So anyway, yeah, you know, today, you know, whenever I ask me to come look at something, she thinks I'm already putting her in a corner and punishing her for code. And that's not the case. I just, we need to program together. And we have to work things out. If she thinks I'm trying to place blame, she's, that's incorrect. I mean, if, if I, if I come across as if I'm placing blame, well, I need to change that behavior. And so yeah, I, and it's really hard because, you know, she has to really learn how to open her mind just to learn that, you know, she's, you know, saying things that can be construed as, you know, racist. But, you know, it's take for, I mean, she made a comment. She's like, I hope I don't stink because I had Indian food. And I was like, no, you don't. And she's like, well, I smell it on myself. Well, I would never tell you that you smell. You know, I mean, that's rude. And in addition to that, I, I don't think you should be making a statement like, you know, I went and had Indian food, which I like, but I hate smelling like it. I mean, everyone gets that you like Indian food, but, but you don't have to tell everyone you don't like smelling like it or you think that's the one bad thing about Indian food or I don't get it. You know, it's just, uh, these subtleties that I get is hard for her to understand. And I hope that I can, if, if the, at the end of the day, she's more aware of what she says. Great, but I don't know if she is. So anyway, I just, I want her to feel like she's in a safe place, but also she has to be part of that safe place, you know. And it's going to be a long journey with her. I mean, if we're the same age. But yeah. So anyway, I think, and dealing with all the bugs this week has been really good. I really like hurting cats. Every time I think I've solved one, I've created another and, or didn't finish the work on one and then came back and found out that it got worse. Hopefully I, I resolved the issues. I know I still need to work on the MS SQL side of the, the egiving database and MS SQL. The student groups have been added to the student group, student organizations, table, but they haven't been their year associations have not been paired up. And so that's the next thing that I have to do. So yeah. What else? That's really it. I mean, oh, no, those cookies were so good today. I got totally a lured, you know, tempted by those cookies. I don't know who's they were, but yeah, I remember having a chocolate chip one of a white chocolate chip one or perhaps it was a mac, white chocolate macadamia. I, I, maybe there were no macadamies. I remember having a oatmeal chocolate chip raisin with sea salt. Oh my goodness. And then there was an hurl grey with Meyer lemon shortbread. Oh, man. So anyway, that was my day today. Oh, yeah, and I I brought a tripod for a Broughtson camera gear for James. Hopefully you can do some stuff with it. I loaned him my brother's tripod a flash and a my 28 millimeter lens that I use for my night time. So yeah. I should just run on over to what's it? The store? Jeremiah's over the weekend and get a body cap. But I don't know. In any case, what else is going on? Well, yeah, I got that film, the ortho Delta that I got a shoot. So that was a Yeah, I'm going to pause it now and see if I got story dictating to you.

Okay, it's 5.52 pm Thursday February 13th, the day before Valentine's Day. I have to remember to just maybe Gerald and I should go to Copperfield and I should get Heidi of Valentine's Day because that would be a good idea. Maybe there's something that she would like to do. Don't forget to go to Copperfield and get a Valentine's present for Heidi. Done. Now you can start your note.

Alright, it's 5.53 pm. Thursday, February 13th. This is the third note that I'm dictating this evening. I believe I dictated in the morning I made some notes about how Rosalita and Horace should lose each other in the market and then in that episode net scene Rosalita should realize how important he is to her because you know she wouldn't have even she didn't have no Arabic. Obviously she should have money but she didn't have money and she... what else? She doesn't know the language and she doesn't even know where she is. So she would have had to find someone who speaks the language and then with that person figure out what to do. She doesn't even know where Horace lives. So how is she going to find out all that stuff she... This has to be established once she decides to live with them. So yeah. So...

Alright, it's 6.13 pm Thursday, February 13th and I'm at the Nevada Nero's and my note dictation got cut off because I got a call from Mike Salazar but anyway, where was I? I wanted to talk about how do Horus and Rosalithia establish a relationship? If I'm going to equate the airplane as a fallopian tube, then I have to, you know, and Horus wiggles through the fallopian tube like a sperm would wiggle through life. Maybe he's, you know, maybe he has something related to a sperm whale, a t-shirt, what would, how, you know, maybe he's reading a book on sperm whales, but, you know, he shows it to her. Maybe she doesn't believe sperm whales exist because of her fear, her fear of the unknown. I need to do some more research on fear of the unknown but, and maybe he tries to convince her that there are many things about the unknown that are absolutely real. And maybe this is him just, you know, in a cheeky sort of way or in a sneaky way, basically telling her, you know, my world, you know, or at least it's the world of Egypt, is the world of, you know, five thousand years ago, is the world of the pyramid, is the world of, you know, Islam and Coptic Christianity is the world of different cuisine, different language, different customs. That is a real world for you to not acknowledge it is, is offensive but also is, you really need to see, it requires education. And so her fear of the unknown is a metaphor for her, you know, or the, she has a fear of the unknown and she has it early on in the book. And this is my way of conveying that early part of the story, the childhood of the story, so to speak. And so maybe Horus knows a lot about sperm whales and maybe he teaches her about how they know things that we don't and the way they travel and the way they sing to each other. But I shouldn't go off on a tangent about sperm whales, I should, he should be demonstrating to her how there is a whole world of things going on that are beautiful, that, you know, that we just don't know about. And if it's not sperm whales, it's humpback whales. But yeah, don't sperm whales have songs, you got to research that. So anyway. And what exactly is a fear of the unknown? I was doing some research today and I found some, I found an article where they've actually done a kind of study of people from various cultures and they determined, well they were, they think they're on to something where fear of the unknown can be linked to, a particular disorder and when accompanied with one's propensity to be frightened, like, you know, exaggeratingly frightened. And so it's a combination of those things. But if we were to say that Rosa Alifia, you know, as an adopted child wasn't exposed to trauma, we, then we can establish that perhaps she has a sense of fear of the unknown. And she has a, a jumpy disorder. She gets frightened too easily and perhaps this is what led her to a calmer way of life in lamisa. And I'm not so sure lamisa is a calmer way of life. For now, that's what we're picking. And, but at the same time she, she knows she needs to overcome it. And she knows she needs to work on some therapy for it. But she, she doesn't really have a plan. So she's, you know, working at the clerk's desk of the local newspaper. And she, you know, it's kind of, I don't want to get too lost in her disorder because I don't want it to take away from how she's actually, really motivated to take the action, actions that she, she does. But her, you know, her, her early childhood trauma, you know, her inability to cope with it, her internalizing of her, of, you know, her, the pain from that trauma has come out in the face. This need for quiet and calm. But more importantly, she has a, it has, you know, established itself into a fear of the unknown. And, and so I think there would have to be like early on, maybe she, she was a jumpy child, you know, she got scared easily. And then suddenly it went away. And the problem, I wonder if, if it's safe to even say, yeah, her mother, we know she's, you know, the, the adoption agency, you know, they got her in Mexico. And they, they couldn't explain why she was jumpy. They just, you know, there, there was nothing more to it than that. And that's it. And either she just appeared, well, maybe they didn't get her in Mexico, maybe they got her on the other side of the border. We don't really know. But, maybe she was the daughter of an illegal immigrant. Yeah, I'm not sure we have to figure that part out. But, so, but when she got older, when she, you know, you know, went through middle school, the jumpiness went away. It went away right around fifth grade, sixth grade. And it turned, it turned into this fear of the unknown. What does that mean? Well, it meant for Rosalithia that the truth was, it's more of a recognition of the known and a denial of the unknown. So, Rosalithia had to turn everything in her life into something known or else she could not deal with it. So, that's what started to happen. She realized that she gained power over things when she, when they manifested themselves into tangible objects. And so, and it started when her therapist, you know, she took art therapy. And it was a byproduct of her art therapy as a child. And so, she was told to, you know, to, if you're feeling angry, you know, make a fire. But not a real fire, you know, just a painting of fire. Or, you know, and so, she would have these objects that represent her emotions. And talk about them. And in addition to those objects, she would, anything else that was abstract, she really had to find a way to make it tangible. So, her math homework, for example, she, how do you teach algebra to someone who has a fear of abstract thinking? It was, you know, I mean, I have to think about this, like, I think at some point she had to be, to convert something into something tangible. And then once it was tangible, she was more comfortable with it. So, it wasn't about like trying to get her to actually touch and feel the area under the curve. But it was about trying to find something that was most appropriate to the area under the curve. So, like, in geometry class, and obviously I don't need to go into too much detail about this, because you either get it or you don't. But she, she, she, for example, when she was studying geometry, she obviously needed real shapes, right? When she studied history, she needed, she needed the people, places, and things of that history. So, you know, sometimes her parents, because they were wealthy, they took her to these places. When she had to learn about Gettysburg, the Gettysburg address, her parents had to relate time to her. They helped her by keeping an Almanac, and they taught her how to write her own Almanac. That might actually be, because when we look up at the sky, we see the moon. Then, when we look up at the sky the next day, the moon is slightly different. Now, is the moon getting smaller? Or is the moon getting bigger? Well, that didn't matter to her, because that, that is something you can't answer. So, she just denied the why the moon was getting smaller or bigger, and she just accepted that a new day came when the moon changed. And a new season came when the sun appeared over this farmer's house versus that farmer's house. And so, or the church, for example, that's another way to help establish place is that, if we can talk about her, you have to really get deep into her, her one feature, and her one feature is this fear of the unknown, but it is a denial of the unknown, not a fear of the unknown. She simply, you know, it was like being blind to the unknown, to was unknown to the blind. Do we ask ourselves, I mean, we know the physiology of color blindness, but do we ask ourselves how it's possible? Those who see color, do we really ask ourselves, can we really fathom why they can't see color? Or, those who, you know, read the news, do we ever ask ourselves, what is it, we are not actually experiencing this event. We are simply receiving the information, and somehow we are constructing a drama in our head. Rosalithia does not have, is will not construct that drama. You know, because she will not go to the extent of constructing it. She will simply see a picture with words, but that doesn't mean that she, the picture was very powerful to her. And so this is how you translate her desire for photojournalism, or perhaps photography in general. You know, when Rosalithia could not really deal with the photograph, she had to, it was very complicated for her. Because when she saw the moon in the night sky, you know, her father bought her a telescope, and they looked at the moon in the night sky. But one day, and then, did they have a nice camera, I don't know. But then one day, he showed her a picture of the moon in a book, and it was different. Because she said, that's the same moon that we saw. And he was like, yes, that's a photo. That's how people connect with each other. I take a photo, you see stuff that's familiar to you in the photo. And then you, the photo is how we connect. Did you see the moon last night? Yes, I saw the moon last night. Here is what I saw. And you can see through my eyes in the photo. That's very powerful. You see through the photographer's eye. And so that which becomes unknown becomes known. And in some ways, that's why she liked photography. And she wanted to make the world known to her. I'm going to stop here for now. But this is a great exercise because it's a thought exercise in some ways to see if I can't really enrich her character with this trait done.