When I work with San Diego and I sense his frustration, impatience or general animosity towards me or my co-workers I shouldn't give in to this and cater to what he wants.  Stick with what you think is the right thing to do. 

When I help H around the house, dinner, making plans for the kids.  Listen and be attentive, but don't be a yes man.  She interrupted you as you were writing this.  You were able to catch yourself and focus on her words, but not without an initial mis-hearing of her ask.  Allow yourself to break from your task.  She wants to help and needs your cooperation in order to do so.

Stay calm with NY.  Don't feel sorry for her.  That's what she wants. 

More importantly, how are you doing?  You're struggling because you feel all your hard work is failing and you're having to bear the burden of fixing it.  You will get through this.  Don't let the shame of failure run away from you.  It's okay.  This is a necessary step to building a better project.