Alright, it's February 8th, Wednesday, 8.06pm driving home from tennis. Earlier today I saw Lisa who encouraged me to continue my writing. And dictations journaling whatever on processing this really bad kind of situation and my brother and he, uh, I'm, you know, every time we fight and we're having our differences, I was actually trying to walk him through. What do you know? Having, trying to have him hear how he sounds and didn't work. He basically goes to his anger, you know, and then tells me, I'm, I'm, you know, the cause of his problems. This time around he said basically, you know, I only call you because I feel guilty. It just reminds me that nothing is healed. And I can sit there and have a conversation with him and say, you know, hey, what's going on? I can't even start that because he will start to tell me that he's not at me, that he's never, and he will reveal that he's never gotten over. He's anger at me. I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I, I just don't have a lot of visibility to get rid of that anger. Watch it out. Move to God, he's like, you know, talking to the therapist. You know, they're working through something, but I don't know. I just feel like in the dark and I don't like it. And I don't think it's going to help if I call you because he'll just, I hear, not shown to me that he can, be present, be willing to talk in an open manner. He's guarded. He has a protector and a tactibate. And that's what is up having it out really, you know, know what else to do. So I'm kind of stuck in a holding pattern. And it bothers me. But maybe I just have to accept the fact that he's not going to talk to me. I don't know why. I don't want to cause him any more pain if talking to me is going to cause him more pain. I don't want to do that. So maybe I just have to live with it. I know. I don't want to be angry with him about his perspective. I don't know. I wasn't having. I wasn't, I wasn't accepted. But to be honest, I mean, I needed help too, which is what I was told honest about it. And I was doing the exact same thing that he was doing. And it's so much easier to be in a family when you're married to someone. And it's just how you want to be. So yeah, did I essentially do the same thing? Anyway, I'm home now. I'm going to see if I have to take this.