Testing, testing, one, two, three.

Alright, it's 5.26pm on Tuesday, February 12th. Actually it's Wednesday, February 12th. And I am feeling a bit lost for words. I don't really have much to say on flight of horse. I'm actually feeling like having horse work for an oil company is not the right approach because now he's sounding a little too close to home. And I think perhaps maybe I'm not identifying with him as much. Do you know what? This is a good exercise anyway. First, let me go through my day so far. Drop the kids off this morning. Heidi made the lunches. What was unusual this morning? My neighbor Jen was driving behind me on as I went on the freeway today. I could tell. What else? I decided to listen to the podcast this morning. No agenda, podcast because yeah, I hadn't really narrated since the night before. Maybe I didn't even narrate them. So yeah, feeling pretty empty. Like empty in terms of creativity, not empty emotionally. Emotionally, I guess I'm putting myself in a bit of working mode. So maybe that's what's happening. I've got stuff that has to get done and I'm thinking about the work that has to get done. Yeah, maybe that's it. I know I have a lot of walks work that I have to get done. I also have to work on the table. I don't really have a next step for the table other than I've got to do some finishing on it. And I've got to figure out how to carry it. That tabletop is so heavy. I don't think I can lift it by myself. So that's another issue. So I've got some pretty standard areas of stress that I'm concerned about. There's the troubleshooting of the cyber source stuff with Jason. I guess stressful. I don't like it when I stress others out and I don't like having to hear about it. So I didn't realize I was stressing him out and all that. And then I guess I made a silly comment today and I'm meeting about the job description for the next candidate. Perhaps I wasn't listening but what happens is I listen and I go off on my own track and then I comment on what I thought I heard. John actually got, you know, he just, all he said was that's what I just said. I don't know why. And I got a little bit of a bit of a nasty chocolate little. I don't get him sometimes but I don't have to get him. He's always very polite so that is that. But yeah, what is it about Horace that I don't like? If he is going to be part of a life story, what should he be? Perhaps now that I see this tale as a sort of myth that is played out by the characters and yet it's a... Do I put it? I mean, if I want this story to be the... How, if one's own life could tell the story, if you know what I mean, it's like... It's a bit of a book of the dead versus... Well, a book of the dead along with a myth along with... A book of the afterlife. I don't want to overuse that term. See, if Rosalithia is actually representing... Her story is actually the metaphor for Florence's story. So I'm recreating... Florence is recreating her own story. But why? I mean, it's that cyclical way life works. We all do that same thing over and over again and we... We don't know why we do it. I want to keep on that thought, but just take a break.

Testing testing 1, 2, 3

you you you you you you you you you you you you you you

So, at 5.48 pm, I'm on Richmond, San Rafael Bridge. Again, Wednesday, February 12th. I think I'm on as well. The time stands good enough, but it's the fifth recorded that I've made this note. Because there are cameras in the room. But I had a little scary moment there. I was driving on the freeway and there was an African American gentleman on the left side of the freeway. In the left shoulder, he was trying to cross. So, I had to report it. That's what I got one on the top. They took my name, so I'm glad you didn't think about it. But anyway, let me pause and start another video.

Okay, it's 5.50 pm. This is the sixth recording of this note. Wednesday, February 12th. I'm almost off the Richmond San Rafael Bridge. Where was I? I was talking about how Florence's relationship to Neseem is kind of analogous to, well, let's put it the other way around. Rosalita's relationship to the book is analogous to the... what we would call the the non-physical relationship that Florence has with Neseem. So having a relationship to a pen pal is like really, yeah, one's relationship to a book. You're reading words, but you don't know unless you've actually met the author, unless you know the author personally, and you've read so many of their stories that you know exactly what they're going to say, and you know their life, then they really aren't anything other than a series of words and ideas that we can only suppose are the result of another human's creation. But what does that say about communication? What does it say about how we bond with others? And that's, I think that's what I'm, I think internally I'm personally struggling with that because I don't think one can bond with, you know, something that isn't real. And so, I mean, it doesn't seem real. Words are just, you know, words on a sheet of paper. Anyone can write them. We can talk about how maybe one way to analyze this or compare and contrast it is, you know, the... what were the current development, you know, what were the current advancements of AI, but I don't, you know, machine intelligence, you know, I think that's too tech savvy to really, you know, associate pen pals with. Rosa Alitia is someone who is the opposite of Florence. She doesn't believe in... She doesn't believe anything until she sees it. So how do we create that in her character? So, if, you know, what does she do when she pays her bills? Does she actually... maybe she doesn't own a credit card because that's not real money. Maybe she doesn't even have a bank account because that's not... she doesn't believe that her money should be stored that way. She still... she still accepted a paycheck every day and paid her bills that way. Yeah, so we have to... that's... these are things... I mean, these aren't unusual things about someone. They're just... I mean, the person is in the extreme, but... it's doable. So, Rosa Alitia hated talking on the phone. So she insisted on seeing people face to face. And what else did she do? So, for the book to constantly be a presence in her life and, you know, on its third appearance, this really tested her... see it to believe it in stings. She definitely knew the book was real, but she didn't think Florence was real. So, you know, when she was a child, you know, her... her adopted... and maybe this helps being adopted. She never looked for her adopted mother because she wasn't real. Her... and maybe this is her being in denial. And so, Rosa Alitia was perfectly fine, accepting that her adopted... her parents are her parents. And that even though they are telling her this, she simply had to accept the fact that they're unwilling to reveal how she was born, how she came into the world. So, when, you know, you live a life where you have to see things, to believe things, she had to accept certain unknowns in the world. You have to accept, and here we are now. Now I can actually apply this to like Plato's cave, for example, or... not just Plato's cave, but what was the other one who see things to it? Deductive reasoning. You know, how well did Rosa do with deductive reasoning? Perhaps that's why she wanted to be a photojournalist because she had to see things and capture things, and then relate what she captured in a humanistic way. And so, and that's where she ends up studying photojournalism, or just journalism in general. And trying to decide what to do with this book that won't leave, you know, I mean, it represents all the unknowns that she's ever, you know, had to deal with. And it's very frustrating for her that this book even exists one and two that it will not leave her, her possession, like it will not leave her side. And so, it actually becomes a problem that she has to solve. She has to find the person. She knows that finally, the book is real, and the only way that she will, you know, kind of let go of it is to find the person, find Flarts. But she doesn't come to that conclusion right away. And so, but how does she, what is what are the events that have to take place in order for her to go from? I don't really believe this book, too. I have to give this book back. What did the book do to her? Or what has the book prevented her? How has the book, is it an obstacle in some way in her life? So that's another thing to think about. The book itself represents is a manifestation of Plato's cave. You know, Rota Alitia is in a cave. And what, I mean, not literally in a cave, but she's figuratively in a cave by living a life of a sea to believe in life. She, the book as far as she's concerned is just a shadow. And she doesn't understand why it keeps coming back to her. It's, you know, in fact, a shadow is a great metaphor for the book because it literally won't leave her like a shadow. You can't run away from your shadow. And perhaps that's what her friend tells her in the dorm. Oh my god, the book is your shadow. And that's when, you know, she realizes that she may have to listen to it. You have to listen to that book. It's your shadow telling you what to do. But it's still, is that enough of a conflict to start the plot? And that's where we, I guess we have to play with time because there are, I mean, the first, when, I guess, time, when you play with time in stories, you have to reconstruct or you have to retrofit the story so that it follows a plot line. And perhaps Rosa Alitia doesn't divulge what has happened, like, you know, how she ended up realizing that the book is leading her onto the plane. But, um, so yeah, I don't know. I'm drawing a blank again. Like, obviously the first, we look at the first set of conflicts, it is a, you know, I guess you would call it man versus the unknown. A fourth conflict. But what is really the unknown? There could, it's, you know, it's all of them together is, unknown emotions, unknown, so yeah, the conflict inherent in, and explore story. Unknown, how one will feel, but one knows, one must go on the journey. In order to discover one itself. But if you, if you already see it to believe it, if you know who, does Rosa Alitia really know who she is, does she, um, you know, trying to figure out, you know, what is the dimension to her that, you know, being adopted is, it's going to be very important. And, uh, it's going to be a struggle for her to, to, accept that she's all alone, that, that perhaps she is, that she has to, I mean, is that it? I mean, the Rosa Alitia, doesn't believe that simply she knows, she, you know, her parents even took her to the hospital. And they, they insisted that she observe a mother giving up her child for adoption. So she sighed with her own eyes. And, and not only that, um, she watched as the social worker took the child from the mother and handed it to, um, the new family. She watched that, I mean, her mother showed her this, but she was, and, you know, it, it made her sad and cry to see this. But at the end of all the sadness and crying, they asked her, now do you believe us when we say that you, this was you. You were, you were taken from you. Your mother, and she did not want you to know who she was. And we took you from the social worker who also had to obey your mother and not reveal her identity. So you have to accept that you were born, but I am not your mother. And she, maybe this is where Rosa leave the response by saying, did you feed me? Did you take me to school? Did you, did you wash me? Did you protect me? Did you read me bedtime stories? How can you say this? How can you say you're not my mother? I think that's a bit too extreme. She'll say, you have to accept that you're not my biological child. That someone else is your biological child. Is your biological mother? Rosa leave the answer is torn by this. Why does it matter? It does not matter. Biology is a real thing. I get it. You know. She knows about the birds and the bees. And she knows as she has seen, you know, children. Taken. From people who gave birth to them and handed over to someone who's never met them, a total stranger. And this actually ties back into, I think, the story, because what's happening is Florence is meeting a total stranger and choosing to be with him until death does she part? Until death do they part? And, you know, an adult will adopt a child and accept them as their child. Yes, sure, you can put a footnote on it saying adopted or legal or not biological, but it doesn't stop. I mean, you know, there. It's child is the final, you know, word on that relationship. There's an adult and a child, a mother and a son, a father and a daughter, whoever that is. And so, how do we, you know, how do we deal with those, the need? What is that? How do we explain that? It is a human need for another human. It is, it is really an amazing thing how, how strange people will be, you know, I mean, how strange it sounds, but how natural it is at the same time. We're all human. It is in our biology to love. It is in our biology to care for someone who needs care. It is in our biology to communicate and share a bond, but that must be in person. And I think that is what's happening to Rosalithia over time with the book is that she is starting to develop a bond to the book and she knows the bond is not real. Maybe that's it. Maybe she starts to act like Florence and doesn't know how to doesn't have an exact kind of, I mean, the book breaks down as a tool for guidance. You know, Rosalithia, for example, wants to, or maybe that's exactly why she gives up the book at 14, you know, because, you know, she tried looking for a section on how to, you know, get a boy to like you. Or, you know, maybe she had a crush on this one boy and she tried to, you know, get him to like her, but it backfired because she was trying to decipher what was in Florence's diary. I mean, what else? But you see, the other thing about this story is that life has its moments, but life also carries on at a very slow pace. One's life isn't dramatic unless you look at it through a compressed perspective. And so, how do you do that? Like, so the diary in some way is the compressed perspective of Florence. We don't know, you know, how slow her life was before it or how fast, you know, well, I don't know if fast is a way to describe it. Yeah, I don't know. I'm going to pause on that part, but I got some good ideas here.

okay it's 6.19 and old time

Testing, testing, one, two, three.

Okay, it's 6.24pm and it's Wednesday, February 12th and I was in the middle of a dictation and I was just mining my own business weaving in the traffic and this guy just had to be a jerk. So, kind of in a bad mood, but anyway what I was about to say was I think I finally figured out why my mom kind of had enough and decided to leave the United States. She wasn't really leaving escaping from the United States so much as she was choosing her side. She left to you know in 1965 and I don't believe because I was born in 1972. But, and so, but yeah, she left, did not have Thanksgiving dinner with her family in 1965. So, and this is a year after civil rights movement, the civil rights movement, the assassination of John F. Kennedy with that, after 65. Man, I gotta remember now, but this was after the United States decided that everyone was equal under the law. You know, obviously it came back, you know, it was challenged like the, did I see? I said civil rights movement, but it's not the same as equal rights. Like, you know, under equal rights women wanted the same rights as men and obviously, you know, separate bathrooms is one thing and I'm absolutely certain, you know, a woman can be almost, you know, every profession out there, but I'm sure there are some that, you know, women aren't doing, right? You know, so, but I don't know that for sure. But anyway, I mean, I think my mom was just finally fed up, I mean, and honestly, that's where I think she and Toss share a lot in common because he was fed up. What I don't understand is why, I mean, yes, African Americans at the time were treated horribly. And yet it should have been an optimistic time, but I guess perhaps she was in a family that didn't see it as a good thing. And she had to leave the family and make her own family. But she did not want to leave the United States. I mean, I think, you know, my father had tried to come to the United States and he could not. They actually had to physically get married and stay in Egypt, stay as husband and wife for several years before the United States would see them as, would accept him as her husband and grant him residency. Yeah, I think that had a lot to do with it. I have to check the dates on that. Maybe it'll give me more information. So done.