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Testing testing 1 2 3

It's 8.42am Tuesday February 11th heading southbound on the 101 about to approach Marinwood exit. It's the hill that I always refer to as I sometimes I approach it on top of it but yeah anyway that and right after Marinwood you enter basically the northern part of center fell. So anyway you know since yesterday's notes where I was really I think kind of doing a lot of thought organizing and emotional organizing I've some of those thoughts have settled or taken a better shape since then and since then I guess to kind of pass the time I two things you know have happened one I watched an animated short called either hair love or hair story and it's animated short that one an Academy Award this year 2020 or I don't know if they call them the 2019 Academy Awards or 2020 Academy Awards but anyway and you know it's an animated story starts off with a girl trying to African-American girl trying to you know style her hair and it appears as though she's trying to style her hair the way her mother did and she's looking at videos of her mother who seems to be a well-known hair stylist or a blogger hair stylist but and she you know those girls like maybe six or seven years old and she can't do it and so she asks her dad to help and of course he's got dreadlocks and he doesn't know what to do and he's very emotional because this point it seems as though the mother is her the fact that she's not around seems a bit permanent so you you know you you don't know what's happened is she dead has she left so yeah but you know after some you know emotional struggles obviously you know the hair is a metaphor for their emotions and the emotional coping that is needed they find her video you know and the father follows a log because she's a blogger who teaches people how to style their hair and so even the father was able to take the mother's place essentially for you know and style the hair the way the daughter wanted it and of course that you know they bonded the father and daughter bonded over that and then at the end of the movie or at the end of the short got in the car and and visited the mother who's still alive who's in the hospital recovering from chemotherapy or surgery we don't really know right but she's coming home and so we see her in a head wrap but then she removes it and she's proud of her her baldness which also represents her survival and you know the dawn of a new day essentially so yeah I'm getting emotional just talking about it and at the same time Karim so Karim watched this Sunday night and didn't really tell us we watched parasite Sunday night and and then Karim went ahead and watched this later in his room and then insisted that that you know Heidi watch it he's like mom you got to see this and so he and Heidi watched it together and it was a very emotional moment and Heidi who's like oh man he's gonna show me something that involves death and cancer and she didn't want to see that obviously and then at the end she saw that he was really emotional crying like crazy but he wasn't like crying sad he was crying more like it seems like he finally got to let his emotions out and Lulu also watched it and she got to let her emotions out and the thing that amazed Heidi the most was that he told her mom she survives in the end there you know this is and implying this is not about death this is about survival and that's what's so beautiful about it and basically saying I'm happy you're alive and so it was really a positive thing for Heidi and yeah it's made her happy amidst you know the news the recent news of people we know and famous people who have either died or they're no longer in remission the cancer has come back all this stuff and it's really this is really good for her to to watch and I have to admit that even I am scared that her cancer is going to come back and I'm haunted by it every time I hold her I feel like I should remember this like it's the last time I'm ever going to hold her so I don't know what to do about it I just know I have to talk about it or else it will stew inside me so yeah that's one thing that's gone on and yesterday the other was I've been continuing to read anfm as slow as it's going as awkward as the narration and perspective seem I mean how I just I don't know if it's middle grade fiction first person perspective dystopian you know it's like and told from the perspective of someone who has become a monk so but like a a mass monk so but yeah so he seems awkwardly egotistical and naive at the same time I mean emotionally naive so it's just it's a struggle to to be in that headspace along with all the crazy jargon I mean that's just so frustrating it's just like it's just showing off almost and and I really hate authors who show off but that's like almost every author so in an attempt to gain your attention they they they flex their words smithing and storytelling skills so yeah but you know what has what I've come to the conclusion is that in an effort to you know as I as I sift through and sort out my emotions and what I'm watching and you know what's influencing me and you know just what I'm thinking of is that I'm telling a story where the future is the past and past is the future and it's a circular kind of story and it's the past is the foreshadowing and because the past is a foreshadowing it's like it's all the same story it is the same story so in some ways the the diary of fluent serves as the kind of subtext or backstory or side not side story but continuation of Rosalita's story and so that's what I like about it I like the and I like how I like how the the subtext becomes the text the super you know the main story so I take for example the concept where the narrator becomes part of the story how then does Rosalita become part of how then does the story also switch you know it's not the story but like the subject of the narration like so if we are to sit there and speak of Rosalita from the narrator's perspective and I think I really like the there's two events here that are special is you have to compare the fact that Rosalita took a flight took a one-way flight just like Florence but the circumstances were different but they resulted in the same thing and the one-way flight is a metaphor for life for time you know you can't reverse time so you cannot go to Egypt and expect to come back the same and so that's I think what I want to emphasize here is that both Florence and Rosalita do not come back the same and and in addition to that Rosalita gets married so if we if we apply the same logic what is happening here is that the past is the future and the future is the past but in a different way in a different fractal so to speak so maybe that's that's if we if I can create a metaphor in the story how does Egypt Egypt is that metaphor for life it's always there the pyramids the temples the Nile you know you always the Nile is always in one direction and and so what is that direction well the direction of time so you know you can't sail backwards on the night and you um so when Rosalita so Rosalita also gets married the way Florence gets married Florence got got married under different circumstances and so so does Rosalita but it's the same thing it's what leads you to Egypt Egypt is life Egypt and the Nile are life so Egypt that's saying Egypt is the gift of Nile and the key of life and so the flight of horse is in some way a flight to fight for your life is is is is is is life in general is to live and so these are all themes that I want to I want to maintain through the story so I really have to hone in on this um the Nile should be a central perspective to be a central um kind of focus of the story and its direction and uh and you know maybe people say things popular sayings about the direction of the Nile um maybe the direction forces them in a particular uh outcome and and such so uh yeah um maybe in Florence's diary there are drawings or descriptions of a place uh that are along the Nile and so you know what happens in life is yeah we are we are transformed constantly through you know events that happen or things that happen to us and uh we grow I mean some colored growth some color transformation um I kind of like that perhaps uh Rosa initially I had thought that Rosa Alitia would be a um a writer I want to be writer um but I think that perhaps making her you know allowing her to uh she instead perhaps she wants to be a photojournalist um so this is you know coming at a time where she probably um so so working at the newspaper seems about right that she's you know interning there over the summer uh so that she can earn extra money but also so that she can get newspaper experience even though it's not real newspaper experience uh so yeah and and you know it will allow her to be curious with the right so like you know when she's at the travel agent who is the shady travel agent she her journalist instincts kick in and she wants to uh she wants to pry essentially and try and get more information out of so yeah I mean uh it would make sense that the story can be told from this perspective you know because uh her intentions are more aligned with her actions or her actions can be explained better with this as a background and uh everything she does she will think that it will lead her closer and closer to the source of the stories she's after Florence she's after she thinks it's an unfinished story she thinks that she um uh would get recognition if she could find out what happened to Florence and so uh yeah and so this is where we we basically then find out well we don't find out so if she's trying to find out what happened to Florence and Florence Florence is whereabouts are unknown and it's not clear whether or not Florence is related to Horace um and uh uh it's uh it's not clear whether or not Florence is alive and in some ways perhaps Florence missing from the story is my attempt to explain you know my mom's death yeah not really sure but um at least this is what I I have on my brain for now so and then I guess the last thing is is is um Rosa Alithia uh is she really who she says she is um but I think if if I try to change anything if I try to change the reader if I try to try to change twist the story anymore I think the reader will I would have to come up with a really good explanation as to why and I think I don't know if I have the skills or I don't know I have not learned the skills uh that could uh create that but I think I can definitely um blend and not blend connect the one way ticket to Egypt to to the passage of time and life itself and the transformative aspect of life over time and how things change us um so as as Rosa Alithia is panicking things will will happen in the cabin you know a baby is crying a mother is trying to calm a baby um um a newlywed couple you know is annoyed at the mother who's trying to calm the baby um conversations these are conversations that can be heard um either as Horace is walking down the aisle as if an aisle to get married yeah let's let's talk about that and uh without a bride yeah and so um and also um he can see um that there is a woman dressed in black reading the Quran or perhaps the bible you know mourning the loss of someone uh who they uh who was clearly who was clearly died in Egypt and they must pay their respects and they feel ashamed that they weren't there so these are all events that happen in life marriage uh you know uh parenthood um death and perhaps maybe there's a family with kids who are just silent like statues they they're sitting there like the statues of you know in the museum where the the kids are are simply they have these faces that are just expressionless and timeless and frozen so that's another possibility i'm gonna pause because i gotta you know um take a break

Testing testing 1 2 3

So it's 9.18 am Tuesday February 11th. I'm on marine avenue just passing Santa Fe, my marine school. I wanted to mention a few other things like you know the panic that Rosalita is feeling is is almost like an infants panic at seeing the world of the first time and so I want to make those parallels. I want to draw those parallels and in addition to that a Horace wants to go down the aisle but feels like the aisle was only made to go one way. Another metaphor for life and so he's he's frustrated why can't they make the aisle with two lanes why does they have to pretty much be in one direction only and so that's another aspect and when Florence when Horace meets Rosalithia or when he sits down beside her what is that conversation about how does it isn't he must speak in a you know in an innocent way they must it must be all of a sudden you know filled with innocence like and naivete like oh we should totally do this you know and and it's almost like a tree house conversation that kids would have where they're where they're playing house and and you know they've got to have that kind of conversation oh my god did you play house as a girl or you know you know that's a funny thing because like you know maybe that's what Horace is saying I've got an older sister and she always made me play house and or I grew up around my older cousins and I have an older cousin who was like a sister to me and she always made me play house with her but he had fun doing it but and so in some ways their little plan is like a scheme is like an adolescent scheme a let's just play house that's all that's all we're doing anyway this is not real life here it's just make believe and so I think that's what allows them to think that what they're doing is harmless and not real life so to speak that's enough for now