Testing testing 1 2 3
Okay, it's 5.37 pm Thursday February 20th. I'm driving home on a Buchanan right now and I'm trying to get on at 5.80. What happened today? Today we had a welcome lunch for Chris Matt who we just recently hired as our customer support specialist who comes from UCSF and but originally from Honore and I'm not really sure what else he's into but I here is wife is a Syrian which is a minority in the Arab and Persian regions of the Bar Eastern you know portions of the Arab world and you know Western portions of Persian but there I think that's Chris alluded there are also a Syrian and Russian so maybe he met former Soviet buck or Central Asian. What else? I worked all afternoon on big give bug fixes and have to do a trial run go live for tomorrow so I was trying to get off date set up for that I have to set up the dates in the big November project as well so other than that I Matthew spoke to me this evening after work and was concerned that no one has tested the site and that you know they're gonna test it and then find a lot of bugs and then ask him to fix them in a mad rush and he'll end up in a mad coding rush before the site goes live and that's extremely stressful but I can't a Alfred help but I don't really know how to help him so we'll see how it goes but for someone who would normally be much more stressed out about this doesn't seem as the level of stress seems to have been significantly reduced or he's hiding it finally I'm on my way home but I will stop up the juries to help him load the couch into his apartment and then we will head off to the wrong engaging so yeah that's where we are with that what else I actually had a pretty good kind of mutation session this morning I ran out of time and I want to I think I've found some way to kind of at least think of a you know a central plot and although it's obvious it's not obvious right it's it's a you have to find out where the obvious makes sense and doesn't sound overly romantic or antiquarian or cliche so yes there will be obvious there but the idea is to make it sound in my opinion more well thought out more thorough you know less based on stereotypes and perhaps more based on you know examples of educated people knowing those stereotypes existed and still you know struggling with that divide where to draw the line between the east and the west and in fact this is already giving me some ideas now so I will start my so
Okay, it's 5.46 pm and it's Thursday February 20th. I'm on the Richmond San Rafael Bridge about to get off at San Rafael and I have several ideas about flight of course in my head and I still have remaining the notes that I want to talk about the ones in my head are you know how do I how does Rosa Alipia perceive Egypt you know in terms of it being a foreign place how does the foreignness of Egypt or the exotic nature of it to her invoke a sense of fear or a sense of thrill or did it if it did invoke a sense of thrill what happened and if it invokes a sense of fear why what's the other part of this trying to think I know I was oh yeah so if if is she having kind of like a inner thoughts where she's trying to tell herself it's just a country it's just another country like the United States there's gonna be an airport there just gonna get off and I'm gonna try and talk to people so what if I don't know the language so what if I don't have any money so what if I don't so what if I don't have a place to say so what if I don't have any money she tried and tried and that's when she broke down and asked herself how the hell did she get on this plane why did she do it who the hell cares about Horace and and what you think he may or may not be so you would ask she would be asking she would also be asking herself what what is it about why did you go why did you think a book would have any meaning to you in your life I mean this is real now you you you put yourself on this plane there's no one waiting for you on the other side you'll just have to appeal to the embassy maybe that's it maybe the embassy can give you some sort of help where you can just you can just stay there or something you really do really think the embassy is going to let you stay there or maybe she's she's more more frantic much more frantic frantic and panic I mean physically she's hurting her stomach felt like a watermelon what could her stomach be doing at that moment she was filled with sweat she didn't know what she was trying to focus on a singular object because the sight of everything around her reminded her of what she just did she stared at the words for your own safety for your own safety and just kept saying it to herself over and over again it's for my own safety and she realized she wasn't saying it right for your own safety it's for my own safety she kept saying it so that the pain and her stomach would go away the pain that felt like there was a hole in her stomach she she wanted to she thought maybe you know she didn't she knows exactly why she's panicking she could not turn this plane around she was so weak her hands were shaking and she just she tried to you know curl up in a ball that didn't help she wanted to stop the sounds of the cabin the pressurized cabin from getting inside her head she wanted it all to go away she wanted to be back in her home she she realized all of this was stupid she had made a stupid decision what was she thinking at that gate how could she walk right into walk right onto a plane with a one-way ticket and no money she had quit her job she had she had moved out of her rental she had left everything behind but she suicidal is that what she thought of herself but she wasn't trying to leave the world or tell anyone what she was doing she was just trying to do it but she didn't have time to to figure out why she did it she just stopped cursing at herself she's got to stop she really has to she has to accept her fate there's got to be some kind of program where they'll just they've got to just send me back home so she thought and thought and thought about it she didn't think she didn't have time and all the wild the flight attendants are banging on the door thinking she didn't realize she was making she was talking to herself miss bang bang bang miss are you okay what is going on miss please open the door one second okay she couldn't think straight how is she gonna look at others in the face if in this state she doesn't even know who she is anymore she has lost all sense of who she is she is nothing seems real she pinched herself and pinched herself get here her screen she didn't know what to do miss please you must open the door is if you are upset we can help you we will talk to you we we know what to do we we understand the flight attendants were speaking to each other in Arabic I don't know what to do I this this woman she she won't get out the male flight attendant walked the other way after those female flight attendants told him to go away she she thinks you're still here she saw you when she went in go away and and we'll talk to her bang bang bang miss it's all right it's just us the girls please you must talk to us we must help you you everybody on the flight is worried about you we don't want to cause fear you just give me 30 seconds okay 30 seconds okay push yourself together pull push pull yourself together everything's gonna be okay you have to find the fight how did you get here you didn't get here because you just followed the tide you got here because you figured it out how did you find Horus how did you talk to the how did you talk to that man how did you talk to the oh wow totally drawn a blank on the topic more see the travel agent how did you talk to him you figured him out and you can figure out anyone if you try so we're just these were childish infant like words that she was talking saying to herself just so that she could she could breathe just yelling at herself actually helped her breathe finally they she stood up she checked her clothes she checked her face wiping the rest of the tears off with the napkin blowing her nose she shaking her hair out a little and she opened the door with her face down she turned to the flight and said it's okay it's okay really everything's fine I'm going back to my seat now okay just just leave me alone and she walked in a days back to her seat when she got back to her seat she was in shock to see that someone was sitting in her row she didn't think anyone was in her row I mean she was the last to get a ticket for this flight she had the last row middle seat next to the bathroom maybe this guy was waiting for the bathroom too wait a minute that's that's him that's Horace he will know he will know if he sees me oh god what can I do before she notice he's like here you go oh would you like to get back in your seat or sorry am I in your way I'll move oh Rosalithia kept her head down she sat back down in her seat she could feel Horace staring at her wait a minute hey she wouldn't she wouldn't look up she just she kept her head down and pulled out the magazine and started coming through it a copy of Egypt Air Egypt Cairo today it was upside down she didn't care she knew it was upside down she didn't want to look up we met back in La Misa or he'll say funny seeing you here I had no idea you were you you're going to Egypt she didn't say anything oh hello sorry I know a few of us heard and there I get it you're stressed out I'm sorry I'll leave you alone I'm sure you know whatever it is you'll figure it out I know I've had rough days to sorry I won't bother you so we sat there and pulled the magazine out and started reading it Rosalithia slowed down um was was no longer rifling through the pages she slowed down a bit slowed to an article on ancient Egypt and how women gave birth using two stones and they squatted over them and the midwives helped bring new life into the ancient world I'm an idiot pardon worse horse slipped around I'm a total idiot um she wouldn't believe what I just did um do I want to know what she just did that's right that's right it's so stupid I shouldn't even talk about it well I don't know what to say I mean I I just went through some nevermind what what did you just do I don't know how to get back how the hell am I going to get back get back from where there's no there's no help at the embassy there's no embassy at the airport I have to get to the embassy who's going to take me to the embassy oh no are you like uh need to go the embassy already you just left the United States what do you not have like a visa no that's not it then what is it I have a one-way ticket what do you like a student or something you're going to go study you just haven't booked the other way you don't know when the classes are going to let out you don't know when you're gonna when school when the next holiday is I'm not going to study then okay then maybe you're gonna go find a job maybe you went you know maybe you're what's your employer jump ship run away with all the money no job for you what is it that's a little too forward I don't know if you would say that I mean whatever it is it can't be that bad I mean I mean are the police after you now this should be that I'm crazy really what makes you so crazy about a one-way ticket to Egypt who the hell does that you you bought a one-way ticket to Egypt yes did you did you want to do that I mean it people buy one-way tickets all the time what are you talking about well he has to be sensitive he doesn't know her yet but wait a minute are you like so you live in lamesa right in that small town yeah I do or I did at least what do you mean you did sold all my stuff to buy the ticket okay wait a minute trying to horse was trying to stay you know appear that he wasn't shocked by what you just said okay so you decided to go on an adventure right okay is that what you're calling this well seems to me that you were fed up with your situation and you wanted to try something else yes yeah but what do I have to do with Egypt I don't have anything I don't know anything about Egypt that's too forward you either Rosalithia has to either decide she's going to use horse because she will be aware that his girlfriend his fiancee dina did not get on the flight so the amount of confusion going on right now will be that she is utterly remorseful for like I mean she's filled with like this um remorseful anxiety and she's trying to think straight and she knows horse is the only one she knows but she doesn't necessarily know that he's going to do anything for her I mean she does know that he the whole last name thing I'm not really sure about yet but she does know it well she knows she she came here having on a hunch that he has a connection that there is a connection you know to her somehow and maybe this is where she recalls a line from Florence's diary but what what is it that she says that kind of clues him in is there uh does she mention some keyword from the diary I don't know I have to think about this but she's she is she's on the verge of panicking and I mean horse is also in a state where he has essentially the left his fiance has left him and he doesn't know what to do um and so he is in the middle of you know feeling his own amount of loss that is his um I mean where's his life going he was literally supposed to be on the plane with his fiance getting married what is he going to do now or were they they weren't supposed to get married they were just supposed to he was already supposed to have been married yeah he's been telling his aunt in Egypt that he's you know oh we just didn't want to have any big deal you know there's this thing it's called common law marriage we did it we just been you know or does she not understand that maybe he says oh yeah we got married here don't worry there's a court here we got married that's it I didn't want to do anything more so horse is like well so you bought a one-way ticket to Egypt so what can I can I tell you something she looks she finally lifts her head up from the page or maybe she's still staring at it but she finally she cocks her head a little in his direction to stare at his magazine what I'm I'm kind of on a one-way trip myself you on a one-way trip what are you talking about well I don't mean one way like like you I mean I've obviously got a round trip ticket but I've been sent on a tangent myself I I've been my feet that was I don't know if you my fiancee is supposed to be sitting in the seat and where is she was she in the bathroom or something she didn't get on the plane of course Rosalithia knew this and didn't say anything and he but she did you know in that moment of remorse and anxiety she she had a she had a fine tuned kind of sensitivity to what he was feeling I'm sorry to hear that so what happened Well, she, uh, she told me she doesn't love me. She never loved me. She was hoping that I would fill a gap in her life. But that's not what happened. She realized that the gap was still there with her without me. So she chose a gap over me. I don't know how she'll ever fill that gap. But I just have to accept that she's not coming back. We were supposed to go to Egypt together. So in some ways, I'm kind of in the same boat you are. And I'm going to Egypt. I'm going to a place that I had planned to go to go where I'd planned to go, but I am not. I do not want to be there. Without her, I don't want to be there. But you can go back. All you have to do is spend one night, call the airlines, change your flight and return as soon as there's an opening. And you're one person. I suppose I could. Maybe I'll do that. Maybe I'll just tell my aunt who's waited 15 years to see me. 15 years, maybe 10 years to see me. That I'll just turn around. I'll tell her that everything that I was bragging about, the United States, the life. Easygoing, always rewarding, hard work. Lifestyle is filled with loneliness. There's no person who's there when you come home. Unless you have a wife and kids. But if you don't have a wife and kids, if you're on your own, this country is the lonely place. Is Egypt not lonely? I don't think there's a single person in Egypt who doesn't know who he is or where he should be. In Egypt, you don't get to that point. Even the homeless have families. They have little homeless gangs that they hang out with. A woman will, I don't know if I should get to that point, but like, people stick together out of survival. The loneliness that they fear is death. It's not... Oh, I can't find anything else to watch on TV. Or I've rented all the movies at the video store. Or there's no more aisles in the grocery store. There's nothing on sale at the mall. Circus is already gone. I'm not in Egypt. So isn't that kind of a good reason? See, that's what I'm getting at. I was coming back to brag. I was coming home to show off to bring back gifts, expensive gifts, and to show off my girlfriend to show her off as my wife and feel like the king of the world. We were going to stay there for a couple of months. I was going to buy an apartment. We were going to buy something that we could just have. Even if we never go to it for another 10-20 years, we could just have it. And now I don't even want to show my face around them. I feel like a stupid idiot. I feel like I should have seen the signs. But all I was trying to do was come home and brag to say, look at it. Ha, you guys don't know anything about America. You can get everything you want there. You can get a wife. You can get a wife. You can get a wife. You can get a job, a wife, a car, and a big life. Well, I don't know what to tell you. I guess I've arrived at Safeway. I've got to end my day.