Note

Testing, testing 1, 2, 3

Testing, testing, one, two, three.

Alright, it's 5.57 pm February 10th, it's a Monday, February 10th. And I'm entering the toll plaza now to get on the Richmond Center Felt Bridge. And the sun is already set behind Mount Tammel Pies. And what else I had? A smack from 7.11, which isn't very good. Not it'd be good, but it seems to be filled with soy beans, more than anything else. So those trail lips. You can see the Golden Gate Bridge, just the two uprights of it, as I'm on the bridge, as I'm on the center of the bridge. What else? It's been a long time today debugging something that I didn't need to debug. And people who are wanting answers from me that are not understanding the questions I extended. So anyway, that's frustrating, Jason doesn't understand that the whole time I'm trying to get a clean test. And without a clean test, it can't be 100% certain of the fix. So yeah, it's just the way I work, too, and I hope you work that way too. But that's okay. Maybe I just tell him, all right, well, then look at all the gifts I've made in the cybersource today. And maybe that'll be it. So anyway. I'll try and call him tomorrow and see if he understands what I'm talking about. And I didn't really have what else happened today. And I got stressed out in the morning, you know, every time I leave, I get these texts from hidey and she doesn't understand what they kind of look like for some days. And I don't know how to politely, I want to help her, but I don't know how to politely tell her that I'm feeling. And I need to still have a clean, deep, compressed after the wood panel over on the surface. I don't know why that was so stressful for me, but it was exciting and stressful for me. So yeah. What else? Yeah, and I, because of all this, I haven't really had some, I feel like I'm not in the right headspace to think about flight of course. I need to be, I feel like if I'm not talking about it, it's kind of like, you know, workout for me, mental, emotional workout. You need to get it, you know, get these stories out of myself. So yeah. I'm not a pause for here because I'll try in the next recording to be, to focus strictly on flight of course.

Okay, it's 6.02pm and February, Monday, February 10th. And I want to start up where I've left off regarding flight of forest. I was talking earlier this morning about the moments at which I first met Heidi and how she fit all the characteristics of someone that I was looking for as a soulmate. And kind of interesting because I knew that I wouldn't have, I mean I shouldn't follow, it's an awkward thing to say, but it's like, I had to ignore, I had to follow a different type of intuition, that's what it was. You know, the intuition that was, you know, my calm, collected self, you know, sort of telling myself, possibly rationally, who would be a good soulmate. But I had zero, I had no recipe for understanding what, if I indeed, indeed did try to have a committed relationship with this ideal soulmate, what that would entail. I simply said to myself, this is the person I think I need to be with and that is that. And when I meet this person, I should try and, you know, it seems so silly to talk that way, like, oh, you know, it's like a treasure hunt. Exploration versus effort. I mean, the effort is not just in the exploration, but the effort is in the patience, the consideration, the selflessness. It's not in your ability to navigate to your ability to get from point A to point B in the fastest possible manner. So, but at the same time, it's not like I wasn't considering, you know, I was considering a long term relationship, I wasn't just thinking, oh, you know, this is someone who is just, someone I want to be with right here right now. This is someone who, the minute I'm with, I never have to think about another again or at least something like that. Yeah, so, trying to... So, what does it mean? How can you incorporate this into the story like... The step you are taking is for the rest of your life. But how can you really come to terms with the meaning of that step in such a... In mature time, I mean, you know, it almost... You know, we're almost required to be young when we get married. I mean, it's almost like marriage is a useful thing because you are courageous. You are willing. You are optimistic because you have yet to suffer, you know, in life. You know, there are those of us who have suffered at a young age and perhaps are averse to commit. In fact, I mean, I would argue that there was, you know, the struggles that Heidi and I have had, at least the first five years were definitely me struggling with my own loss. And trying to balance, you know, pain of the loss versus the joy of the new relationship. I mean, it was just night and day road poster ads. I mean, there are nowhere near as strong as they used to be, but yeah, I mean, I still go through grieving every now and then, where I absolutely miss my mother. I mean, I mean, isn't this what I'm doing here? It's in some ways recreating her life. I mean, because I'm trying to understand it. I'm trying to understand, trying to recreate her so I can essentially walk in her footsteps because I think perhaps my parent would know what I need to do. How can I make the next move without knowing what she would do? But, you know, I'm left with cookie crumbs or breadcrumbs. And, you know, don't know where they lead or if they are indeed breadcrumbs. So, to kind of overlay this onto flight of horse, I would say that Rosa Alitia and her fake marriage to forest was really an attempt to create a metaphor. Or to create a similar type of experience to what I was going through in a sense that I was, I was parentless like Rosa Alitia. She's not represented in the matter. And, Horace, who in some ways is like Heidi, who has a representative, but that representative is not 100% there because, you know, they're too concerned with their own... Daily, not even that, they're too concerned with their own life to really serve as someone who can be a parent to horse. And so, yeah, I think Horace has Horace's aunt. And we can argue, I mean, I can still play with the idea that Horace's aunt is Florence, but I'm also playing with the idea that the whole story is narrated by Florence. Yeah, I don't want to confuse myself later on when I'm listening to this. So, I was thinking of how Horace and Rosa Alitia need to get lost. They really, in order, they need to get lost. And in Egypt, you're the best place to get lost as a desert. And, but I don't know if that's the right place also, because I don't want them dying or starving and saving each other that way. I just need them to have enough alone time and to have a shared kind of experience together that creates a bond between them. And, you know, if they get lost because they decide to hire a car to take them to Ebbosenbo, and then that car breaks down or the driver passes out. And then the car breaks down. One way we could do it is the driver pulls over at some little shack of a place and all they have are gallons of water. And, you know, he seems to be sweating propusely. And, he, Kelshors and Rosa, that he needs to cool off the engine. And so he, you know, fills up his radiators, you know, his radiators leaking and fills it up. And then he waits for the car to cool down. And, he falls asleep. And, for us in Rosa, Livia are kind of talking or lost in a conversation. And, before they know it, the driver has passed out like, died. And so, what do they do at that point? Do they take his car? Do they drive with him in the car? Do they wait for another car to come by? Yeah, I'm not sure if that's the best scenario. Are there other scenarios where maybe they're stuck on a boat? Well, like Nasser, that's another possibility. But, I don't know about that either. And, definitely confused about the direction that this I have not had enough chance to really focus on. I've kind of run through a rough outline of the story. Rosa, Livia, we start the first chapter off with Rosa, Livia, the battle. Actually, let me pause and make a new note about this.